shayskiijsnote2self

Grieving the death of a child at the young age of 24 for me was an incredibly painful and complex experience that to this day has profound effects on my life. I have good & bad days but learning to go within and encourage myself through my days has helped me tremendously. Now at the age of 31 I’ve learned my triggers over the years & even though it’s easy for us Angel Mommas to mask our pain 24/8 , I don’t think its talked about enough the phases and emotions we go through on the daily that tends to leave us in a daze most times. For me, owning my emotions & triggers has not been easy but it’s helped me to know where to give myself grace & keep my mind sane. The last thing I would ever want to do is lose my mind when my kids still need their mom to be EVERYTHING to them. I never really talk about my struggles with my grief journey because some simply can’t grasp the reality of burying a child & it tends not to be the best ice breaker & to be honest I simply just hide my emotions from anyone who may ask so I’m not a Debby Downer. Truth is , some days are just a daze when your sense of reality is shattered in a heartbreaking , gut wrenching , unimaginable way. Your life is shaken in a way that Time can’t heal. It’s a lonely , spiritual, physical , emotional and mental journey that MUST be taken with just you and God. It starts within.

Here are a few ways that grieving the death of a child has impacted my life:

1. Emotional impact: The loss of a child lead to intense and long-lasting emotional distress. My Grief manifest in various ways, including sadness, anger, guilt, and even numbness. It’s difficult at times to find joy or feel motivated in the face of such profound loss. My Emotional well-being was significantly affected, making it challenging to navigate relationships, work, and daily life.

2. Physical and mental health: The grief and stress associated with the death of my child took a toll on my emotional, physical and mental health. Till this day I experience waves of symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, loss of appetite, or difficulty concentrating. My doctor even warned me how grief could cause my immune system to weaken, making me more susceptible to illness. I make sure I’m holding myself accountable health wise and not beating myself up when I get off track. Additionally, My grief continuously triggers & exacerbate mental health conditions like depression or anxiety. Till this day I still get brain fog a lot something that I’m constantly working through.

3. Relationships and social interactions: The death of my child made me feel isolated & misunderstood, as the intensity of my grief is so difficult for others to comprehend as no one wants to “Imagine” what its like to bury their child. Social interactions and activities that were once enjoyable became challenging or overwhelming, leading to withdrawal or a just an overall sense of disconnection from others.

It’s important to remember that grief is a deeply personal and individual experience, and its effects can vary from person to person. Seeking support from loved ones, joining support groups, or seeking professional help from therapists or counselors who specialize in grief can be beneficial in navigating the complex emotions and challenges that come with grieving the death of a child.

If you are like me and grieve internally , in the dark & in silence remember to give yourself grace as your reality and world is forever altered. Many won’t understand and sometimes you won’t even be able to grasp that this is your reality at times when those waves of grief come upon you when you smell a scent , hear a song or come across anything that reminds you of your child. Give yourself time to work through your emotions daily. It never gets easier! Us Angel Mommas just get more resilient. We tend to hide ourselves when we are grieving because the truth is no one understands & wants to “imagine” this kind of life & our broken hearts will never be whole on this earth but we can continue to strive to live a fulfilling life that honors our Angels memories.